Wednesday, November 7, 2012

A "trying" time

I've never used my blog as a way to vent or complain, but I am desperate for some support and advice. Fellow stay-at-home moms, do you ever feel like throwing in the towel and giving up? That is what I am going through right now. I remember going through this same thing when Iris was Kate's age (10 months old.) As of lately, I feel like my sanity is being tested every single day. Kate cries and cries and cries if I am not holding her. That alone is killing me. I can handle the busyness of 3 kids, but one can only take so much crying. And then the crying on top of my 3 year old and 5 year old who are whining all day for snacks and treats and drinks and gum...it pushes me over the edge. And if that wasn't enough, of course there is the never-ending dishes piled in the sink and 5 large hampers that are ALWAYS full of clothes no matter how often I do laundry. Oh and the toys...toys everywhere. I am tripping over toys, the kids are fighting over toys, and I CANNOT keep toys picked up for the life of me. If you know me, you know I do not like clutter. Clutter makes my life feel very unorganized. These toys are cluttering my house and this stresses me out! I'm just at this point where I feel like I cannot do it anymore. I contemplate going back to working full-time, but I just don't think that's the right thing to do. Daycare costs would be outrageous for 3 kids and I wouldn't be bringing in extra income (which would really bother me.) And aside from that, I would feel like I was giving up...basically saying I am not capable of being a stay-at-home mom of three kids....here you go, can you raise my kids for me? Ahhh, I can't do it. I know this is just a phase, the same phase I went through a couple of years ago, and it too shall pass. In the beginning 3 kids wasn't much of an adjustment, and then Kate slept less and cried more. Oh, and did I mention I don't sleep? Kate still wakes in the night and Iris meanders her way into our bed every single night, kicking me in the ribs as she tosses and turns. So if you put everything together....lack of sleep, three small children under the age of 5, a baby that cries all the time, whining toddlers, endless housework, and not a second to spare for time to myself...can you blame me? I am posting this for advice...what has worked for you? I am posting this because it's time that I vent to someone (or everyone in this case). I am posting this because maybe all I need to hear is that I am not failing and that someone else out there feels the same way I do. I love my kids so very, very much. I am thankful to be home with them, watching them learn and grow. I just need to find a balance and a way to cope with the daily stresses. I need to learn how to enjoy my kids in the midst of stress and chaos. That's all. Thanks for listening.

10 comments:

jcotner said...

Oh Jess, my heart goes out to you. I have been there and done that. You are a GREAT mom. God gave your 3 blessings, and He will help you be the mom He wants you to be. Take time for yourself. Don't be afraid to ask for help. This book might be exactly what you need right now http://www.hopeforthewearymom.com/
Love you! Judy

Anonymous said...

I think every stay-at-home Mom goes thru this at one point or another:) Don't be so hard on yourself. You are a great Mom to three beautiful happy children and in the grand scheme of things that's all that really matters. I know it's hard when the house is dirty and you feel like your sinking with chores but those things will always be there to do later. Those wonderful kids will only be small once:) Call me if you need to talk or need a break sometime:) You are more than welcome to leave the kids here and take some you time! Sometimes that's just what you need:)

Anonymous said...

Sorry Jess, the anonymous comment is from me...Kristen Clark!

Anonymous said...

Very normal feelings honey. You are doing far better than I would ever have with 3 little ones (thus why I only have 1). My one was trying enough at times! LOL!! Call me when you need a break. I can run over and sit for a couple hours while you get some sleep or go out or I will take you out for a couple hours while Mike takes a turn. Don't be afraid to call. Love ya, Aunt Patti

Jessica said...

I know you don't know me very well, but I have SO been there. I think what you are describing is a daily struggle for many (if not all) stay-at-home moms. I know it is for me!!! Kid #1 gets hurt and cries, Kid #2 is whining for a snack and Kid #3 needs a diaper change - all at the same time! Meanwhile, there are dirty dishes in the sink and piles of laundry.

Thankfully, things have gotten a little more manageable now that I have one in school all day, but summertime was rough. What works best for me is to purposely take some ME time. I use nap time. When the baby goes down for a nap, I watch an episode of one of my shows, write a blog post or paint my toenails. Sure, time might be better spent putting things away or cleaning the bathroom, but I feel like my sanity is more important.

The other thing that has helped me tremendously was joining Thirty-One. I can get out of the house, spend some time with other women (grown-ups!!), use some of my God-given skills, and still get to stay home with my kiddos. Direct sales may not be your thing, but find something that is. Something that will get you out of the house ALONE on a regular basis - join a book club, take a yoga class, get your hair done. Whatever. :)

Wow. Totally didn't intend to write a book, but there you have it. LOL. Just know that you are not alone!!

Bethany Teague said...

Hi Jess!
I loved reading your post! You wrote exactly what I feel many days! I also have three kids, ages 5, 3 and 1! It is rough! And many times it is thankless. My house is never clean EVER! The laundry is never done, I barely know what meals to make (if I even attempt cooking), toys are our decorations and dishes are endless. I often feel so overwhelmed that I just want to sit and stare, I feel like nothing can fix this mess around me! I have learned that sometimes I need to let go. This is a stage in my life where nothing gets done except ministering to my children and loving them. I don't know if any of these things would help but some things I have found that help me are:

1. When you grocery shop by healthy, easy, ready to eat snacks. If this means buying apples in single packs already cut up, DO IT! It saves time and sanity when you have two older kids whinning for snacks. Just whip it out of the fridge. No thinking require and it's healthy. You would be surprised at how many veggies and fruits come in single serve packs already to eat. It may cost a bit more but the sanity you save is way worth it!

2. make time for you! Waste time! Read multiple blogs, watch reality TV, surf the net, text! All of course while your kids nap! IF they don't all nap (or rest) at one time, cordinate your shcedule so they do! At least for one hour a day! It will give you back your sanity! Don't worry about having your kids rest in their beds with books fo ran hour. It's good for them to learn to be quiet and still and to be by themelves.

3. Put daddy on night duty! In my house, I am off "duty" at 9! My husband takes over everything with the kids at night until he goes to work. this also gives me time off from my "job."

4. Find some spiritual encouragement. I love the magazine "Above Rubies." It is super encouraging for stay at home moms. It recongnizes the challenges of staying at home and offers real life stories of moms who struggle through the daily grind. When you are tempted to give up and get out of staying at home remeber, you are raising world changers. You are raising up the next generation in the army of Christ. Your kids are in training to become like Christ and the most prominent example they see/need now is you. You will fail daily, even hourly, but you are the model of Christ that teaches them how Christ loves them. Even with poop on your clothes and food in your hair, the way you serve your kids and the sacrifice of loving them unconditionally every day no matter how you feel or how they act is the first and most perfect picture of how Christ loves us.

It's hard to stay at home every day. It's hard to enjoy whinning kids. It's hard to live on virtually no sleep. Please know that what you are doing at home matters. You are changing the world by teaching your kids how to love, Christ-like character and how to stick things out when it gets rough. YOU ARE MAKING A DIFFERENCE!

You are not alone and your struggles are hard! Super hard if you ask me. I will be praying for you. "But He said to me, "My grace is sufficent for you, for MY power is made perfect in weakness..." For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Cor. 12:9-10

Sorry this is so long!
In Christ,
Bethany Harpst Teague
P.S If you ever need a play date or getting out of the house, we could meet up!

Anonymous said...

well just what I do know is it doesn't get any easier I know you don't want to hear that but it doesn't
when my kids were young and I stayed at home it drove me nuts that's 1 reason I went to work not to mention the fact that we need the money thankfully mike was im the Navy so daycare wasn't so bad
1 thing I did do um when I was not working is when mile got hpme we would go and talk for 15 minutes and just tell him about my day and that seems to help a lot because I got to talk to an adult I didn't feel like I was baby talking all the time
It it was hard to balance and entertain the kids while we had our talk but we did do that on a pretty regular basis at least 3 of the 5 days it's really help me a lot
Xoxo hope it helps
You arent feeling any different than any normal mom
Love aunt linda

Sharon Plenzler said...

Hey Jess ...so sorry you're struggling!

Staying home full-time is the hardest job ever...especially with 3 under 5.

One of the hardest things for me to deal with after having Braden was the "clutter" I had to stop myself from picking things up the minute he walked away because inevitably as soon as I out it away he wanted it back out ツ

My mom told me to just relax about being the perfect everything to everyone all the time....yea easier said than done.
Just remember that they grow up so fast. I did eventually learn to chill out a bit on some of those things...mom was right...I miss those young years so much and appreciate that I was able to learn that no matter how much you clean, luck up, and do laundry...it will always come back faster than you can possibly imagine. But you'll only have today with your babies once.
Do what you can and when you feel overwhelmed STOP, breathe deeply and initiate a pillow fight ツ
Look for a MOPS group in your area. Call grandma and let her take over while you go get a coffee or something. At least once a week.

Take some time and prepare quick snacks ahead of time that the kids or you can easily grab. Fill up the sippy cups and store in the fridge. I used to take a couple hours (when Eric was home) on a Saturday or Sunday and prepare several meals for the week, along with some breakfast burritos, egg muffins or even pancakes and freeze them so that breakfast wasn't always crazy.
I know its not words of wisdom just a few things that helped me.
Your house is not cluttered ...its lived in and there's nothing wrong with that!
<3 praying things ease up for you!
Sharon

Sharon Plenzler said...

* put it away
Pick up
Hard to see errors on phone lol

Allie said...

Jess,

Although I don't understand the stressors of a stay-at-home mom because I have been working full time since Bryson came home from the NICU I think you are completely ok to feel overwhelmed juggling three beautiful children's needs and the needs of keeping up on household chores. Kudos to you.

On the other hand I have been struggling myself with other personal battles such as an ugly divorce with my husband of 7 years and being terribly worried that because my son is in daycare 5 days a week he might not get the extra special love he needs during this awful transition. It breaks my heart to think I can't be home with him and that I never will, at least not anytime soon.

That being said I think we all are hard on ourselves for different reasons and you are an amazing woman and mother on good and bad days. We all do our very best as mother's with what we have been blessed to have.

Hugs.

Allison