I am really missing my Grandma. She has been gone for 6 weeks and I think I am just now starting to accept that she has passed away. That last week I spent with her in the hospital, along with the visitation and the funeral...all of that was so surreal.
A few days before my Grandma passed away, I stayed by her bedside after everyone else had left. At this point she was on the ventilator and her eyes were quite glazed from the meds. I nestled in close to her and prayed for her. I had been wanting to do this all week but I couldn't keep my emotions in check every time I thought about doing it. I stayed strong as I prayed and I prayed with confidence, knowing Jesus would wrap his arms around her and bring her peace and comfort. With how emotional I was that week, only Jesus could keep me strong enough to do that without sobbing. I knew sobbing would only make her more uneasy and anxious. I then felt led to sing to her. The door was closed and the lights were dimmed because she appeared to be sleeping. I sang her "Jesus Loves Me" and after I was finished, she opened her eyes, and moved her head just slightly to make eye contact with me. It was only for a second, but I will never forget the look in her eyes. I knew right then that eye contact was our "goodbye" to each other.
I miss you, Gram. I miss driving down to your house when I need a "break". I miss sitting at your kitchen table, sipping coffee and talking "scoops". I miss calling you when I have questions about a recipe. I miss leaving your house with you faithfully standing at the door only to yell out, "Be careful!" I simply miss your friendship. You are irreplaceable, Gram. I think about you everyday. Some days I smile, some days I cry. Some days I honestly believe you are still here. Some days I realize you're gone. I hope you know how much you mean to me.