Jordan's 5th Birthday!

Here are some pictures from Jordan's birthday party on Friday night. It was at the Bounce Castle, and Jordan had a blast with all of his friends. Tomorrow my sweet boy turns 5 years old. A more emotional post is being saved for another day:)

"big things"

I sat down to nurse Kate yesterday and I look over to see Iris "nursing" her baby. She's done this before, but it makes me laugh every time. However, this time she came over, pointed to my breast and said, "I need to get one of those big things to feed my baby." So funny!

A "trying" time

I've never used my blog as a way to vent or complain, but I am desperate for some support and advice. Fellow stay-at-home moms, do you ever feel like throwing in the towel and giving up? That is what I am going through right now. I remember going through this same thing when Iris was Kate's age (10 months old.) As of lately, I feel like my sanity is being tested every single day. Kate cries and cries and cries if I am not holding her. That alone is killing me. I can handle the busyness of 3 kids, but one can only take so much crying. And then the crying on top of my 3 year old and 5 year old who are whining all day for snacks and treats and drinks and gum...it pushes me over the edge. And if that wasn't enough, of course there is the never-ending dishes piled in the sink and 5 large hampers that are ALWAYS full of clothes no matter how often I do laundry. Oh and the toys...toys everywhere. I am tripping over toys, the kids are fighting over toys, and I CANNOT keep toys picked up for the life of me. If you know me, you know I do not like clutter. Clutter makes my life feel very unorganized. These toys are cluttering my house and this stresses me out! I'm just at this point where I feel like I cannot do it anymore. I contemplate going back to working full-time, but I just don't think that's the right thing to do. Daycare costs would be outrageous for 3 kids and I wouldn't be bringing in extra income (which would really bother me.) And aside from that, I would feel like I was giving up...basically saying I am not capable of being a stay-at-home mom of three kids....here you go, can you raise my kids for me? Ahhh, I can't do it. I know this is just a phase, the same phase I went through a couple of years ago, and it too shall pass. In the beginning 3 kids wasn't much of an adjustment, and then Kate slept less and cried more. Oh, and did I mention I don't sleep? Kate still wakes in the night and Iris meanders her way into our bed every single night, kicking me in the ribs as she tosses and turns. So if you put everything together....lack of sleep, three small children under the age of 5, a baby that cries all the time, whining toddlers, endless housework, and not a second to spare for time to myself...can you blame me? I am posting this for advice...what has worked for you? I am posting this because it's time that I vent to someone (or everyone in this case). I am posting this because maybe all I need to hear is that I am not failing and that someone else out there feels the same way I do. I love my kids so very, very much. I am thankful to be home with them, watching them learn and grow. I just need to find a balance and a way to cope with the daily stresses. I need to learn how to enjoy my kids in the midst of stress and chaos. That's all. Thanks for listening.

Gram

I am really missing my Grandma. She has been gone for 6 weeks and I think I am just now starting to accept that she has passed away. That last week I spent with her in the hospital, along with the visitation and the funeral...all of that was so surreal.

A few days before my Grandma passed away, I stayed by her bedside after everyone else had left. At this point she was on the ventilator and her eyes were quite glazed from the meds. I nestled in close to her and prayed for her. I had been wanting to do this all week but I couldn't keep my emotions in check every time I thought about doing it. I stayed strong as I prayed and I prayed with confidence, knowing Jesus would wrap his arms around her and bring her peace and comfort. With how emotional I was that week, only Jesus could keep me strong enough to do that without sobbing. I knew sobbing would only make her more uneasy and anxious. I then felt led to sing to her. The door was closed and the lights were dimmed because she appeared to be sleeping. I sang her "Jesus Loves Me" and after I was finished, she opened her eyes, and moved her head just slightly to make eye contact with me. It was only for a second, but I will never forget the look in her eyes. I knew right then that eye contact was our "goodbye" to each other.

I miss you, Gram. I miss driving down to your house when I need a "break". I miss sitting at your kitchen table, sipping coffee and talking "scoops". I miss calling you when I have questions about a recipe. I miss leaving your house with you faithfully standing at the door only to yell out, "Be careful!" I simply miss your friendship. You are irreplaceable, Gram. I think about you everyday. Some days I smile, some days I cry. Some days I honestly believe you are still here. Some days I realize you're gone. I hope you know how much you mean to me.

Photo of the day:)

Iris loves to brush Mommy's hair. I love this "real-life" picture of us. I will miss her being this age!

Iris's 3rd birthday!

We decided to do a little girls party for Iris's birthday this year. The theme was "Tangled". All the girls dressed as princesses. They were so cute!